My college reunion from Dartmouth was last weekend and going from Maryland to New Hampshire prompted us to plan a tour of New England.  I’ve spent the last week hauling my family around in our car through 10 States, 4 places to stay, and catching up with what must have been a hundred old friends (to me) and new friends (to them).

We now have a few moments to really re-charge at 12.5, my company’s namesake.  It’s the calm before the July 4th storm right now so it’s unusually quiet and I have a little time to reflect on the experience.

On paper it sounds rustic if not drastic – all the driving and moving, staying in the dorms up at the college, and reconnecting with tons of new people while managing my spouse and our kids who really had no horse in this reunion race.

A Time Capsule

It has been, however, a really wonderful trip because we did have people to connect with along the way.  I liked the fact that other people were actually sharing memories of our past shared experience. It was a great substitute for me trying to tell even a willing spouse and somewhat less willing kids what Mom used to be like.

Jason, my husband, grew up in Connecticut. Recently we were driving through and my youngest said, “This is when Dad says, ‘when I was your age blah blah blah was blah blah blah.'” It’s so hard to tell them things. Showing them is so much better.

Checking In, Not Out

At the same time, people were engaged in what we are doing now.  I haven’t gone to a ton of reunions but I think most people are less interested in reliving the glory days then they are in seeing how other people are doing in the present moment.

As I mentioned, the reunion sparked a whole trip to see people I hadn’t seen in a while. Covid slowed down some of those out of state connections, unless work trips and conferences took me to where someone lives. Making an intentional trip to see people (and prevail upon their hospitality as nomads) was meaningful.

We traversed several bridges on our trip. The trip allowed for me to invest in the infrastructure of the bridges I’ve already built but had neglected for a bit.

It’s a snapshot, not a life story

I’m proud of what I do now and what I’ve accomplished even if it’s hard to explain to a non-entrepreneurial audience. When a couple of friends and I were feeling anxiety about going back in time 25 years, one them reminded me to give folks the benefit of the doubt. “Would you be genuinely happy for someone who was successful in their field, even if you don’t entirely understand it?” Yes. “Well why wouldn’t they be happy for you?”

Milestones not millstones

It’s also a good reminder that there’s no one place we’re supposed to be right now. People had successes but also setbacks or disappointments or just ambivalent feelings. They shared thoughts like – I don’t know if what I’m doing now is what I’ll do forever.

When we graduated, it was probably similar. Some people knew without a doubt what they would do – and are doing it now. Some people had an idea that shifted or changed. Or some people had no idea and figured something out along the way.

I was in that third category. I knew what I didn’t want to do but had no clue where that would lead me. If you had told me business ownership I would have laughed – or been terrified. But while I’m proud of that person from 25 years ago, I’m also proud of the life experience since then that has changed her mind and perspectives.

The ROI of Higher Education

This is a big topic that requires a much more detailed treatment than I’m going to give it here.  One thing that came up at the reunion, and again in Boston with my friends and family, and in Connecticut and throughout the DMV is the value of higher education compared to the cost and wondering if the kids were alright.

Whether kids were in elementary school (like mine) looking at colleges, in college, or out of college, a theme among the parents, aunts, uncles, and onlookers was if college as we knew it was preparing kids for the world as they will know it.

Parents just don’t understand

My kids are 7 and 9 so I’m kicking that can down the road for now. But I always tell people, the job I have didn’t really exist before I started college. I started out my current career working for a WBENC regional affiliate in 2002. WBENC was founded my junior year in college.  I’ve mentioned before that I’m an optimist when it comes to the future.

Jason and I attended a small gathering at the reunion called The Places We’ve Been. We shared our travels in a small group setting and it was so nice to hear where life had taken people. One thing that we all had in common was that at one point in our travels our parents had anxiously said, “You’re going WHERE?!” and that once we arrived, we realized that most people in most places were helpful and kind.

I realized that our anxiety about our kids, their futures is universal and something we have in common with our parents who wanted us to experience more of the world than they had but at the same time worried about experience that would be too dangerous or scary.

Based on this trip and all my friends’ cool kids I met along the way and the quality time I spent with my own kids, I don’t know if they’ll all go to college, or travel, or have a good enough experience to return to their reunions and leave refreshed. Because we can never know. We can only be the anxious parents allowing ourselves a few overwrought questions before they take off for the places they’ll go.